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Manchester United: Thanks Fabregas, For Wasting My Summer

What all football journalists are probably doing right now
What all football journalists are probably doing right now

A short post this one, and more of an open question. Because as far as I see it, the most interesting part of a saga so drawn out it has made me want to scratch out my eyeballs, has taken place today.

In case you’ve missed it, because you’ve had better things to do in the last month, like bang your head repeatedly on your desk hoping football goes away forever, Fabregas has come out today and said the following:

“My dream has always been to play at Barça and nothing has changed,” he said. “I’m very happy here and I never thought about leaving. I never had any doubt.”

Right. If that’s the case, why on earth did he not put me, David Moyes, Manchester United and everyone who’s ever heard of football out of their misery when United made their intial bid of £25 million about a month and a century ago?

Answers on a postcard or even better, on the comments below please. I’ve heard it suggested that “CESC FABREGAS!!” (Copyright, Pro Evo) might have waited so long because he wanted to see what Barcelona’s initial reaction to United’s interest was. Presumably then, had Barca shouted “DEAL! MOYES, YOU’VE DONE IT AGAIN!” at any point in the last few weeks, he wouldn’t have been inclined to show the same amount of loyalty.

Yes, I’m bitter. Yes, I would have loved to see Fabregas in a United shirt. It’s no secret our midfield has about as much depth as Luis Suarez. But give me a break.

And surely there must have been a conversation to the tune of something like this at the Nou Camp:


Sandro Rosell: “All right Cesc, listen, United’s midfield is looking bollocks and David Moyes needs to make a bit of an impact otherwise they’re likely to get railroaded by He Who Must Not Be Named and Manuel Pelligrini. They want you for £25 million. We wouldn’t mind you staying though, despite the fact you’ve been second fiddle here for a while. Fancy staying?”

Cesc Fabregas: “Yeah, you know, boyhood dream and all that. Can I not be second fiddle though please?”

SR: “Well I dunno mate, I’ll speak to the manager but we’re literally loaded with overrated tiki taka blokes so you might have to scrap for it.”

CF: “Hmm. Thing is, I could walk into that United midfield, play every game of the season for 90 minutes and quite frankly do it without Cleverley and that chubby predator-lookalike slowing me down. Maybe drag this one out a bit? United won’t stop bidding until I say I’m definitely staying, they’re that desperate.”

SR: “Yeah fair play. Tell you what, just to keep United wandering whilst also building up this entire story to such an extent that by the end of it you’ll come across as an absolute superstar, we’ll come across as like we are the absolute nuts and United will come across like a club who have wasted the best part of a season chasing something that was never going to happen, I’ll get Gerardo [Martino, new manager] to say the final decision rests with you, thereby throwing everyone into doubt about your intentions…”

CF: “Sweet as.”

SR: “…Then, just come out and say you were never even considering leaving. United will have to settle for that Belgian nutter with the afro.”

CF: “Nice one. Moyes will look a right loser. Cheers Santo, laters.”

SR: “Bye Cesc. Don’t forget to kiss the badge next time you score. If you get in the team. Lolz.”

CF: “Whatever.”

What a colossal, epic, earth-shattering waste of time for Barca supporters, United supporters, journalists, column inches, trees, the earth, people who like football, people with eyes and people with ears.

My next post will be more professional.


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